Why Dumpster Divers Love DIY Shredding
Are We Compatible?
dumpsterdiverpro 30 / M / Single
I’m just your average-looking person with interests in turning valuable information into personal wealth. I’m an entrepreneur. I like evading authority and living under the radar, if you know what I mean.
My Favorite Book: Catch Me If You Can
My Favorite Song: Steal Away
- Shredding Salvager Extraordinaire: I love to dig through discarded documents, particularly ones that have been self-shredded because they are more likely to have information that was meant to be hidden, but are still reconstructible.
- Dissectologist: I’m a bit of a puzzle enthusiast. I love reassembling shredded documents that have information that others may not find interesting or valuable, but I do!
Who I’m Interested In
- You prefer to tear up your receipts and documents by hand before discarding them.
- You shred your personal and business files using a residential shredder because you believe it’s cheaper.
- You leave your shredded documents in the recycle container at the curb the night before so I can sift through it while you sleep.
- You have convinced your workplace to shred business documents in house because you assume that you will save the company the cost of professional shredding.
- Your favorite documents to shred include health care insurance, medical documents, boarding passes, frequent flier reports, financial statements, receipts, invoices, bills, and credit card information.
Are We Compatible?
By sharing your DIY shredding, I will promise to invest the time reassembling your valuable information and:
- Apply for loans in your name by using your identity.
- Change the billing address so you won’t receive the bills I keep charging to your account.
- Open a new credit card account in your name.
- Purchase a mobile phone and register an account. I just may open additional accounts for my clients as well!
- Write checks on an account that I open in your name.
- Get a driver license with your number and my photo.
- Benefit from your airline points.
- Withdraw funds from your account using your debit card number.
- Use your medication labels for refills. If I can’t use the pills myself, I will sell them.
Building Our Relationship
As long as you continue DIY shredding your personal and business information, I will stay invested in our relationship. I’m not afraid of being arrested or receiving a court order—after all, I can just use your identity!
Our relationship will fall apart if you start realizing that, in the long run, shredding your own documents is more risky and costly than partnering with a local, reputable, NAID AAA Certified shredding company. We cannot continue if you choose to seek professional help with your shredding and prevent me and my friends from retrieving and assembling your shredded documents and creating havoc for you. If “data security” is your thing, I will go on my way and find another naïve DIY shredder.
A Healthy Shredding Relationship
Apex Shredding offers NAID AAA Certified shredding to clients in Northern Colorado. We will come to your workplace or home and provide shred containers to securely contain your discarded documents until we collect them and shred them on-site at your home or business so they can never be read or reassembled. When we’re done, we’ll provide you with a Certificate of Destruction so that you have proof that your documents have been destroyed and your information is out of the hands of thieves.
If this sounds like the kind of relationship you’re looking for, call us at 907-532-5007 or complete the form on this page. We look forward to talking with you.